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Poster of Two and a Half Men (2003)

Two and a Half Men

2003 Series 12 seasons

Created by Chuck Lorre and Lee Aronsohn

A hedonistic jingle writer's free-wheeling life comes to an abrupt halt when his brother and 10-year-old nephew move into his beach-front house.

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Episodes

12 seasons · 262 episodes

Season 1

  1. 01Pilot
  2. 02Big Flappy Bastards
  3. 03Go East on Sunset Until You Reach the Gates of Hell
  4. 04If I Can't Write My Chocolate Song, I'm Going to Take a Nap
  5. 05The Last Thing You Want Is to Wind Up With a Hump
  6. 06Did You Check with the Captain of the Flying Monkeys?
  7. 07If They Do Go Either Way, They're Usually Fake
  8. 08Twenty-Five Little Pre-Pubers Without a Snoot-Ful
  9. 09Phase One, Complete
  10. 10Merry Thanksgiving
  11. 11Alan Harper, Frontier Chiropractor
  12. 12Camel Filters and Pheromones
  13. 13Sarah Like Puny Alan
  14. 14I Can't Afford Hyenas
  15. 15Round One to the Hot Crazy Chick
  16. 16That Was Saliva, Alan
  17. 17Ate the Hamburgers, Wearing the Hats
  18. 18An Old Flame With a New Wick
  19. 19I Remember the Coatroom, I Just Don't Remember You
  20. 20Hey, I Can Pee Outside in the Dark
  21. 21No Sniffing, No Wowing
  22. 22My Doctor Has a Cow Puppet
  23. 23Just Like Buffalo
  24. 24Can You Feel My Finger?

Season 2

  1. 01Back Off, Mary Poppins
  2. 02Enjoy Those Garlic Balls
  3. 03A Bag Full of Jawea
  4. 04Go Get Mommy's Bra
  5. 05Bad News from the Clinic?
  6. 06The Price of Healthy Gums Is Eternal Vigilance
  7. 07A Kosher Slaughterhouse Out in Fontana
  8. 08Frankenstein and the Horny Villagers
  9. 09Yes, Monsignor
  10. 10The Salmon Under My Sweater
  11. 11Last Chance to See Those Tattoos
  12. 12A Lungful of Alan
  13. 13Zejdz z Zmoich Wlosów (Get Off My Hair)
  14. 14Those Big Pink Things with Coconut
  15. 15Smell the Umbrella Stand
  16. 16Can You Eat Human Flesh with Wooden Teeth?
  17. 17Woo-Hoo, a Hernia Exam!
  18. 18It Was 'Mame', Mom
  19. 19A Low, Guttural Tongue-Flapping Noise
  20. 20I Always Wanted a Shaved Monkey
  21. 21A Sympathetic Crotch to Cry On
  22. 22That Old Hose Bag Is My Mother
  23. 23Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab
  24. 24Does This Smell Funny to You?

Season 3

  1. 01Weekend in Bangkok with Two Olympic Gymnasts
  2. 02Principal Gallagher's Lesbian Lover
  3. 03Carpet Burns and a Bite Mark
  4. 04Your Dismissive Attitude Toward Boobs
  5. 05We Called It Mr. Pinky
  6. 06Hi, Mr. Horned One
  7. 07Sleep Tight, Puddin' Pop
  8. 08That Voodoo That I Do Do
  9. 09Madame and Her Special Friend
  10. 10Something Salted and Twisted
  11. 11Santa's Village of the Damned
  12. 12That Special Tug
  13. 13Humiliation Is a Visual Medium
  14. 14Love Isn't Blind, It's Retarded
  15. 15My Tongue Is Meat
  16. 16Ergo, the Booty Call
  17. 17The Unfortunate Little Schnauzer
  18. 18The Spit-Covered Cobbler
  19. 19Golly Moses, She's a Muffin
  20. 20Always a Bridesmaid, Never a Burro
  21. 21And the Plot Moistens
  22. 22Just Once with Aunt Sophie
  23. 23Arguments for the Quickie
  24. 24That Pistol-Packin' Hermaphrodite

Season 4

  1. 01Working for Caligula
  2. 02Who Is This Vod Kanockers?
  3. 03The Sea Is a Harsh Mistress
  4. 04A Pot-Smokin' Monkey
  5. 05A Live Woman of Proven Fertility
  6. 06Apologies for the Frivolity
  7. 07Repeated Blows to His Unformed Head
  8. 08Release the Dogs
  9. 09Corey's Been Dead for an Hour
  10. 10Kissing Abe Lincoln
  11. 11Walnuts and Demerol
  12. 12Castrating Sheep in Montana
  13. 13Don't Worry, Speed Racer
  14. 14That's Summer Sausage, Not Salami
  15. 15My Damn Stalker
  16. 16Young People Have Phlegm Too
  17. 17I Merely Slept with a Commie
  18. 18It Never Rains in Hooterville
  19. 19Smooth as a Ken Doll
  20. 20Aunt Myra Doesn't Pee a Lot
  21. 21Tucked, Taped and Gorgeous
  22. 22Mr. McGlue's Feedbag
  23. 23Anteaters. They're Just Crazy-Lookin'
  24. 24Prostitutes and Gelato

Season 5

  1. 01Large Birds, Spiders and Mom
  2. 02Media Room Slash Dungeon
  3. 03Dum Diddy Dum Diddy Doo
  4. 04City of Great Racks
  5. 05Putting Swim Fins on a Cat
  6. 06Help Daddy Find His Toenail
  7. 07The Leather Gear Is in the Guest Room
  8. 08Is There a Mrs. Waffles?
  9. 09Shoes, Hats, Pickle Jar Lids
  10. 10Kinda Like Necrophilia
  11. 11Meander to Your Dander
  12. 12A Little Clammy and None Too Fresh
  13. 13The Soil Is Moist
  14. 14Winky-Dink Time
  15. 15Rough Night in Hump Junction
  16. 16Look at Me Mommy, I'm Pretty
  17. 17Fish in a Drawer
  18. 18If My Hole Could Talk
  19. 19Waiting for the Right Snapper

Season 6

  1. 01Taterhead Is Our Love Child
  2. 02Pie Hole, Herb
  3. 03Damn You, Eggs Benedict
  4. 04The Flavin' and the Mavin'
  5. 05A Jock Strap in Hell
  6. 06It's Always Nazi Week
  7. 07Best H.O. Money Can Buy
  8. 08Pinocchio's Mouth
  9. 09The Mooch at the Boo
  10. 10He Smelled the Ham, He Got Excited
  11. 11The Devil's Lube
  12. 12Thank God for Scoliosis
  13. 13I Think You Offended Don
  14. 14David Copperfield Slipped Me a Roofie
  15. 15I'd Like to Start with the Cat
  16. 16She'll Still Be Dead at Halftime
  17. 17The 'Ocu' or the 'Pado'?
  18. 18My Son's Enormous Head
  19. 19The Two Finger Rule
  20. 20Hello, I Am Alan Cousteau
  21. 21Above Exalted Cyclops
  22. 22Sir Lancelot's Litter Box
  23. 23Good Morning Mrs. Butterworth
  24. 24Baseball Was Better with Steroids

Season 7

  1. 01818-JKLPUZO
  2. 02Whipped Unto the Third Generation
  3. 03Mmm, Fish. Yum.
  4. 04Laxative Tester, Horse Inseminator
  5. 05For the Sake of the Child
  6. 06Give Me Your Thumb
  7. 07Untainted by Filth
  8. 08Gorp. Fnark. Schmegle.
  9. 09Captain Terry's Spray-On Hair
  10. 10That's Why They Call It "Ball Room"
  11. 11Warning, It's Dirty
  12. 12Fart Jokes, Pie and Celeste
  13. 13Yay, No Polyps!
  14. 14Crude and Uncalled For
  15. 15Aye, Aye, Captain Douche
  16. 16Tinkle Like a Princess
  17. 17I Found Your Moustache
  18. 18Ixnay on the Oggie Day
  19. 19Keith Moon Is Vomiting in His Grave
  20. 20I Called Him Magoo
  21. 21Gumby with a Pokey
  22. 22This Is Not Gonna End Well

Season 8

  1. 01Three Girls and a Guy Named Bud
  2. 02A Bottle of Wine and a Jackhammer
  3. 03A Pudding-Filled Cactus
  4. 04Hookers, Hookers, Hookers
  5. 05The Immortal Mr. Billy Joel
  6. 06Twanging Your Magic Clanger
  7. 07The Crazy Bitch Gazette
  8. 08Springtime on a Stick
  9. 09A Good Time in Central Africa
  10. 10Ow, Ow, Don't Stop
  11. 11Dead from the Waist Down
  12. 12Chocolate Diddlers or My Puppy's Dead
  13. 13Skunk, Dog Crap and Ketchup
  14. 14Lookin' for Japanese Subs
  15. 15Three Hookers and a Philly Cheesesteak
  16. 16That Darn Priest

Season 9

  1. 01Nice to Meet You, Walden Schmidt
  2. 02People Who Love Peepholes
  3. 03Big Girls Don't Throw Food
  4. 04Nine Magic Fingers
  5. 05A Giant Cat Holding a Churro
  6. 06The Squat and Hover
  7. 07Those Fancy Japanese Toilets
  8. 08Thank You for the Intercourse
  9. 09Frodo's Headshots
  10. 10A Fishbowl Full of Glass Eyes
  11. 11What a Lovely Landing Strip
  12. 12One False Move, Zimbabwe!
  13. 13Slowly and in a Circular Fashion
  14. 14A Possum on Chemo
  15. 15The Duchess of Dull-in-Sack
  16. 16Sips, Sonnets and Sodomy
  17. 17Not in My Mouth!
  18. 18The War Against Gingivitis
  19. 19Palmdale, Ech
  20. 20Grandma's Pie
  21. 21Mr. Hose Says "Yes"
  22. 22Why We Gave Up Women
  23. 23The Straw in My Donut Hole
  24. 24Oh Look! Al-Qaeda!

Season 10

  1. 01I Changed My Mind About the Milk
  2. 02A Big Bag of Dog
  3. 03Four Balls, Two Bats and One Mitt
  4. 04You Do Know What the Lollipop's For
  5. 05That's Not What They Call It in Amsterdam
  6. 06Ferrets, Attack!
  7. 07Avoid the Chinese Mustard
  8. 08Something My Gynecologist Said
  9. 09I Scream When I Pee
  10. 10One Nut Johnson
  11. 11Give Santa a Tail-Hole
  12. 12Welcome to Alancrest
  13. 13Grab a Feather and Get in Line
  14. 14Run, Steven Staven! Run!
  15. 15Paint It, Pierce It or Plug It
  16. 16Advantage: Fat, Flying Baby
  17. 17Throgwarten Middle School Mysteries
  18. 18The 9:04 from Pemberton
  19. 19Big Episode. Someone Stole a Spoon
  20. 20Bazinga! That's from a TV Show
  21. 21Another Night with Neil Diamond
  22. 22My Bodacious Vidalia
  23. 23Cows, Prepare to Be Tipped

Season 11

  1. 01Nangnangnangnang
  2. 02I Think I Banged Lucille Ball
  3. 03This Unblessed Biscuit
  4. 04Clank, Clank, Drunken Skank
  5. 05Alan Harper, Pleasing Women Since 2003
  6. 06Justice in Star-Spangled Hot Pants
  7. 07Some Kind of Lesbian Zombie
  8. 08Mr. Walden, He Die. I Clean Room.
  9. 09Numero Uno Accidente Lawyer
  10. 10On Vodka, on Soda, on Blender, on Mixer!
  11. 11Tazed in the Lady Nuts
  12. 12Baseball. Boobs. Boobs. Baseball.
  13. 13Bite Me, Supreme Court
  14. 14Three Fingers of Crème de Menthe
  15. 15Cab Fare and a Bottle of Penicillin
  16. 16How to Get Rid of Alan Harper
  17. 17Welcome Home, Jake
  18. 18West Side Story
  19. 19Lan Mao Shi Zai Wuding Shang
  20. 20Lotta Delis in Little Armenia
  21. 21Dial 1-900-Mix-A-Lot
  22. 22Oh, WALD-E, Good Times Ahead

Season 12

  1. 01The Ol' Mexican Spinach
  2. 02A Chic Bar in Ibiza
  3. 03Glamping in a Yurt
  4. 04Thirty-Eight, Sixty-Two, Thirty-Eight
  5. 05Oontz. Oontz. Oontz.
  6. 06Alan Shot a Little Girl
  7. 07Sex with an Animated Ed Asner
  8. 08Family, Bublé, Deep-Fried Turkey
  9. 09Bouncy, Bouncy, Bouncy, Lyndsey
  10. 10Here I Come, Pants!
  11. 11For Whom the Booty Calls
  12. 12A Beer-Battered Rip-Off
  13. 13Boompa Loved His Hookers
  14. 14Don't Give a Monkey a Gun
  15. 15Of Course He's Dead (1)
  16. 16Of Course He's Dead (2)

Series details
creator
Chuck Lorre, Lee Aronsohn
year
2003
type
Series
Episodes
12 seasons · 262 episodes

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